


Gone Soft

by Qrowin_Shitposts



Category: Code Geass
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 13:03:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9386468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qrowin_Shitposts/pseuds/Qrowin_Shitposts
Summary: The Black Knights are facing a new opponent, and they need the power of the currently in-hiding Lelouch Vi Brittania to defeat them. The problem is, Lelouch has become a lame dad, and has no intention of getting back into the game!





	

Kallen was in shock, unable to think of a response. She just stood there on the other side of the road, staring at Lelouch’s flaccid cock.

It all started with a whore. Some president in the middle of Europe paid some assassin-disguised-as-an-escort for sex and ended the night having gained a couple of new orifices and having lost a couple of fetishes. Some asshole took the country over in his place under military rule, and somehow managed to cascade his usurpation into an empire that stretched through most of Europe and all across Russia, and they were not-so-subtly sizing up Korea and Japan.

That’s where the Black Knights come in, in theory at least. Unfortunately, those assholes got their hand on some ridiculously powerful knightmare frame research that the Black Knights just couldn’t match up too, even when they had the power of the now-destroyed Lancelot on their side.

“We’re all fucked” noted Tamaki, as insightful as always.

“First of all, Tamaki, we don’t lose until we stop fighting,” Ohgi retorted. “But yeah if we don’t do something soon we’re all fucked harder than I fucked Viletta last night.”

“Dude will you ever let that go?”

“What? It came up organically.”

“We have only one choice left,” Suzaku announced, removing his Zero mask and spinning his overly ornate chair 180 degrees to face them. Why he wasn’t facing them to begin with was beyond any of them.

“We need,” he paused for dramatic effect, “to find Lelouch.”

“Wait, Lelouch?” Kallen got out of her seat in shock at what Suzaku just said. “But… but, you killed him! We all saw it!”

“No. Lelouch faked his own death. I know it might seem crazy, and you’ll all be angry at me for this, but I didn’t betray Lelouch when I became Zero. I was following his orders. He became the greatest evil in the world to destroy all other evils. And then, when no evil remained but himself, he wielded me as his blade and ended his own life. It was his final gambit. He called it-“

“Yeah, yeah, the Zero Requiem,” Ohgi interrupted. “Dude, we already know that Lelouch orchestrated his own death. You confessed it to us while drunk off your ass on Vodka last winter. That’s old news.”

“You guys knew?”

“Yeah man we’re all pretty much over it at this point.”

“But wait, you said he was alive!” Kallen pressed on, slamming her hands against the table.

“Yeah, yeah, Kallen, we get it, you want to fuck Lelouch,” Tamaki teased her.

“W-what? No I do not!” Kallen blushed at the obviously outrageous proposition. Miles away from this conversation, Gino, who was taking a shit at the time, felt a chill run down his spine.

“You needn’t worry about the details on how he managed to live,” Suzaku continued. “All you need to know is that he did. And that we need him now more than ever.”

And so the 4 of them went into the country, following Suzaku’s lead. Suzaku lead them deep into the countryside of Japan before eventually finding the town Lelouch allegedly still lived in. Suzaku began asking around if a “Lelouch Lincoln” was living anywhere in the vicinity, and people eventually pointed him in the right direction.

None of them were prepared for what they saw when they got to the house. No, they weren’t even at the house yet. As they got over the crest of the hill that preceded their destination, they bore witness to a sight none of them would ever forget.

Their destination, a normal looking suburban home, was before them, and no one else was on the street but them. Right in front of the door to the house was what they eventually identified as Lelouch. He wore a Pizza Hut uniform and what appeared to be tear-away pants, carrying a pizza box. He unzipped his pants and placed his crotch up to the box, thrusting multiple times, presumably to fit his penis inside a hole in the bottom of the box. He began muttering what sounded like “Extra sausage” in a variety of subjectively sexy voices before bringing his finger up to the doorbell.

But he didn’t ring the bell. Instead, he decided to check over his shoulder one last time before doing whatever he was planning on doing, and that’s when he finally saw Suzaku, Ohgi, Tamaki, and Kallen staring at him. He turned around as his mouth hung open, his limp penis slipping out of the pizza box. 

Kallen was in shock, unable to think of a response. She just stood there on the other side of the road, staring at Lelouch’s flaccid cock.

Silence. Not a word was spoken between any of them, not a movement taken, for nearly a minute. Finally, the silence broke when Tamaki collapsed to the ground, laughing. Soon after, Kallen stepped forward and opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was a noncommittal scream.

“W-What are you doing here?” Lelouch shouted, embarrassed and mildly terrified at what their presence implied.

Suzaku stepped forward, taking his time for dramatic effect. But before he could begin his rehearsed speech, the door to the house began to open, and C.C.’s voice came from it.

“What’s wrong Lelouch? Did the actual pizza man come already? He was supposed to be a surpr-“ she stopped when she noticed the Black Knights. She was dressed in nothing but lingerie. “Now, isn’t this a surprise? Suzaku, it has definitely been a while. Lelouch, let’s not be rude to our guests. Invite them in. I’ll go get dressed.” With that, she left Lelouch alone to deal with the situation.

Lelouch eventually regained his composure and, visibly disgruntled, motioned them into the house and led them into the living room, where they all sat down. The room was aggressively domestic. There was a TV with a Blu-ray player and a display case of children and family movies. The shelves were adorned with knick-knacks and framed pictures of Lelouch, C.C., and a large group of kids, with a school in the background. 

The weirdest thing, however, was that a number of the pictures were of a young 6 or 7 year old girl, who, if they didn’t know any better, would look like their child. But of course it wasn’t, it hadn’t even been 3 years since the Zero Requiem. Then again, Suzaku did recall Lelouch saying he had always wanted to adopt an orphan…

Lelouch reached for a cup of water that was lying on a table, and that’s when everyone noticed at once that there was a wedding ring on Lelouch’s finger. It hit them all at once like a brick.

“If you’re here to bring me back into the Black Knights, the answer is no.”

Lelouch had gone soft.

 

\---------

Thanks to Ramix-The-Red for the idea about the pizza play.


End file.
